Another Story

Aqeel's Picture on the Left. On the Right, the University's Bus

Balochistan University bus attack: My best friend died the day he wanted to live his life! 

After spending all day preparing for a party at my university, I slept very late. I could hardly wait for the next morning, when my classmates and I would finally be performing in the plays we had prepared for. We had parodies lined up and even a fashion show.

The next morning was going to be fantastic, I thought. The fashion show was a party tradition of the computer science and computer engineering departments of the Balochistan University of Information Technology, Engineering and Management Sciences (BUITEMS).

This time, upon my insistence, my friend Aqeel agreed to walk the ramp. After a lot of practice, Aqeel could walk like a real model and was very excited. He had asked Noman, our classmate, to bring his camera and take pictures of him while he modelled, dressed to the nines.

I was overtaken by the thoughts of how terrific the next day would be and went to bed at 3:00 AM.

The next morning:

It was morning of June, 18, 2012. I remember my mother calling my name again and again as she asked me to wake up. I was getting late for the party, but I was so exhausted from last night that I kept falling asleep.

Suddenly, I felt as though the air in my room got sucked out and I heard a loud explosion. Every inch of my room shook. The glass windows vibrated from the impact. I was horrified by what had just happened and was unable to comprehend much in my half asleep state. My eyes met the clock on the wall; it was quarter to nine.

I ran down the staircase and saw my mother looking equally worried sitting in the living room. Upon my enquiry as to what had just happened, she told me she had no idea what it was. My father stood outside the house, looking for clues. He told me that it may have been a rocket attack explosion.

I went back to my room and tucked myself in bed, clueless about what the consequences of this explosive sound were.

Twenty minutes later, my brother came running to my room.

“Your university bus was attacked near the Federal Investigation Agency (FIA) office. There was a bomb blast. Do you know that?” he asked.

Suddenly, my brain went blank. It was as if I could not breathe. I couldn’t even imagine that something might have happened to my dear university friends.

I hurriedly changed my clothes and ran towards the blast location in a state of utter panic. The FIA office was on Samungli Road, at a 10-minute walk from my house.

I was breathless when I reached the site. In front of my eyes was the university bus I would have been in had I woken up earlier. It was completely destroyed in the bomb blast. A burnt bus stood there in tatters. There were no bodies as people had taken the injured and dead to the hospital. I went back home and left for the hospital immediately.

Upon reaching the hospital, I saw a very sad picture. People were mourning. Women were crying in disbelief. I started finding people who I knew were supposed to be on that bus.

Soon I came to know that my dear friend Aqeel, who was supposed to steal the show this morning on the ramp, was no more. A feeling of irreparable loss took over me. I felt like everything I had known was gone. I waited all day with my friends for the medics to return Aqeel’s body to his family.
When Aqeel’s body was finally revealed to us, Noman and I began to cry.

“Look, Aqeel, I brought the camera with me. Here it is! But why aren't you on the ramp?”

It hurt so much that I wished it was just a nightmare and I would wake up and get ready to meet my friends at the university. But this wasn't a dream and we all had to accept that.

This June, we had another department party and it went great, but the difference was that there was no Aqeel, excitedly waiting to walk the ramp, dressed like a star. Noman sat quietly in the crowd instead of hopping all around the stage taking photographs of his dear friend.
http://blogs.tribune.com.pk/story/17850/balochistan-university-bus-attack-my-best-friend-died-the-day-he-wanted-to-live-his-life/

 -I saw this Blog and I couldn't resist sharing it with others. Many lives are crushed everyday by the Power of those murderers! It's yet another Story of a Boy named Aqeel. Surely he will be missed by his family, friends and many more... I just hope that Young people like him are not wasted in this cruel world again. I just wish that no mother should have to hear such drastic news about her precious son...

It was a very repulsive incident and really outrageous! Those who were involved in this act cannot be named Human Beings!

Martyrs will always live in our heart no matter what!

PEACE NOT PIECES!

Brother from another Mother...

Dear Brother,

                   How are you? I hope you're having fun. Well, why wouldn't you, you're in a place where people dream about going after death. Heaven. We didn't talk much. I messaged you sister, I told her about how I can't believe all this happened. I still can't believe it. I told her how your soul will rest in peace. I wish you do and please don't worry too much about your weeping Mother; she just can't help it, can she? We all can't! We can't even stop thinking about you and all the other who has lost their lives. I just wish that you're smiling down at us from Paradise. I just hope you don't get unhappy because of the weeping of your loved ones for you.

Things aren't going great my brother. After you left us, things got worse. There was another two target killing. About 6 died. They were coming home from their work and some "unknown" people fired rains of bullets on them. They couldn't even make it to hospital... Though there is good news. A suicide bomber got killed! I think we're happy, not because someone killed a Taliban but because we were saved from another crises! 

The Taliban, there were two of them Brother. They were again going to blow themselves up on the same spot where they murdered you and many more! Don't they have heart? Well, I don't think so because they are all just brainwashed and they don't care about others. Both of those Taliban were near a shop, grocery shop. An old man, probably in his 50s saw them. At first, the man wasn't quite sure why two young men were about 16-18 years old were acting a bit odd. Those men were walking as if they were drunk. The poor old lad, he knew then that they are yet another bomber! 
Brother, you were also 16 years old. Seems like time has stopped now.

Fruit Sellers use this type of wheeled thing to sell their fruits/vegetables

The old man was a fruit seller himself. He used one of his weight stones that he uses to weigh fruits. The stone was 5kg. The old man threw it; his target was the bomber's head. The old man did knock out one of the bomber, though the other one flew the place very quickly! The people around the old fruit seller saw this. They then used gun to shoot the bomber's head yet again, they wanted to make sure he was dead. Alas! When those people pulled the bomber's clothes up, they saw the suicide jacket! On the other hand, the bomber also had a grenade. I don't know much about bombs or their types, all I know that we were their target again and we were saved! 

I don't know how many times we will be saved. I don't know whether we will make it up to Eid which is about 10-11 days from now. I don't know whether another place will be bombed. I don't know. All I know is that we are not save here in Quetta any more. I wish you were still being living happily with your family. I know I call you Brother; you're my brother from another mother. 

The day I found out about you, about how you were one of the martyrs from the suicide bomb, I couldn't believe it. I cried. I was in disbelieved, I went to Facebook, I looked at your profile. I saw you shared a link just about 30 minutes before the attack. I didn't want to accept it. I hope you're in a happy place now. You’re with angles, with your best friend who also died in that blast. I hope I join you there as well. I hope happiness of your family and friends as well. 

Till next time...

Peace x

Job? Maybe or Maybe not!

 What can I say? I'm looking for a job! it's like wherever I go they freaking ask me for "Experience" I mean, it's not like I don't know anything, I just don't have any type of experience in it. Why do I need experience for mopping a FLOOR!?

I mean really? Couldn't they just give poor little me a chance? I have my CV and I had one experience in working in a salon... argh I so hate that place! I really need money, whenever I tell people, they laugh and tell me "Get off your ass and look for one!" Well, Missy, looking for job isn't really easy is it? I mean, since I am still really young, the company won't give me one because they stereotype me as someone who will freaking rob the place when I get a chance! Please, I mean I don't want to waste my time with all these interviews, especially when the company itself doesn't like people who are young. We're not that bad. 

So, I asked a friend of mine to talk to her mother, see if her mother would recommend me. I haven't heard from her since. I texted her, asking whether she has asked her mum or not... she told me she will, soon. I don't think so. I mean, can't she just tell me the truth, that her mother won't do it. I really hate it when people just can't be bothered to tell a truth, it's like they don't care! 

It looks like I don't have a choice left. Sometimes, I think it's because of my laziness. I like things to be ready for me. I don't really like to work for it. Well, I wish I was the Royal "Baby" so that I could care less about finding a job. Some people think that we don't have jobs because of immigrants. I don't think so. I mean, if you really needed a job you would work for it right? Many people blame so called immigrants for being jobless. Why? Because I think they just want a reason for not having enough degrees or qualifications. 

I know a lot of people who are from other countries and they are much smarter than the British people. I know later on in life they will get more chances to get higher jobs than most British people that I know of. Well, now a day, I see that many people just want things ready for them, just like I do, I don't want to struggle for what I want. I just want to get it without worrying that I might fail in it, or that I have to work my ass off for it!  

PEACE!

Stalking and Being Creepy!

Well, hello there! I hope others are going well. I was so busy these days... well more like I didn't know what to chat about. I looked around, thought to myself what others might find it interesting. After rummaging through my brain, I thought why not talk about personal experiences! I mean, what else could be this easy for me? I want to chat about me being shy and how I stalk some people on my Facebook, well... here it goes.

Firstly, I wanna chat about Stalking. I mean not stalking in general... I mean stalking someone Online. You know, I stalk a lot of people Online, but who doesn't? Well, starting from the guy(s) I have crush on, to those who annoy me the most! I just can't get enough of it. It seems like I'm becoming a freaking creeper! I refresh my Facebook homepage again and again and again... I click on my friends list. I scroll up and down. Looking for particular people. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not obsessed with them! It's just that, sitting all day in one room does make me do stupid stuff.

 Secondly, I look at their pictures. I don't know about others but I like it a lot when I look at their pictures, see what they have been up to... (Oh no! Now I sound like some freaking top CRAZY STALKER!) But I'm not. You see, my life is way boring, I don't do anything. I sit in front of my computer; I entertain myself by criticising others! I know, I know, I have no life :'( I admit it. What else can I do? My family doesn't even know I have a Blog. Well, why would I tell them anyway?

When I was in school, many people used to say I'm creepy. I, myself, think that I am. I think it's because of the way I look at them. I just stare at them... for no reason. Well, most of the time because the boys were such eye candies! I used to check them out, but I would stare at them that long because I didn't like to creep them out! I wasn't the only one though. No. Many girls used to even flirt with them. I didn't. Or should I say I couldn't. I didn't have the guts. You see, I'm really shy, in class even if I knew the answer I wouldn't even raise my hand. I was smart though... there were these three or four guys who used to look at me. I sometimes had the feeling that someone is staring at me, when I looked up, one of them were I suppose admiring me?

I don't know. I guess sometimes I was joyful inside when someone would ask about me, especially boys. I remember once I was sitting in gym at my school. I was just sitting there by myself on this machine. I overheard a boy asking about me, he asked another boy who I was and my name I think. I didn't quite hear what the other boy's respond was, though I was smiling. I'm not the person who others like talking to; it's because I don't really respond to them, I mean when someone is having a conversation with me, and if I don't know them, I just quietly say yes or no and I don't actually give my opinions on things.

Later, the boy lost interest. Well, I guess who wouldn't? Even if I were to like someone and that someone didn't talk and was supper dupper shy, I wouldn't really give them my attention as well. I want a guy who will make me talk; I want him to tell me that I don't need to be afraid I guess. I think that I'm never going to find myself a boyfriend. Not because I can't, maybe because I'm afraid that soon enough he will get bored and say his goodbye and leave, like others.

Take care. Peace x

Trying to Appreciate more...

“Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough” 
― Oprah Winfrey

We start our day by waking up from the sound of our alarms (well most of us) we wake up, in grumpy moods, trying our hardest not to fall asleep as we struggle. We do our morning routine, eat breakfast or just rush out of our house! 

We don't even Thank God for what He has given us. I do know many don't believe in any kind of Religion...but at least we could be thankful for what we have. Setting your alarm at 7:00 Am so that you could wake up to go to your work. That's called hope. When we wake up, we don't even appreciate it that we are alive. We are so busy in life that we aren't even grateful for what we have, and we cry for little stupid materialistic things that we didn't even own on first place.

I try to be thankful, though it is really hard to appreciate a lot of things in life but I try my best. Why is it so hard to appreciate things in life? I have family, friends, food, shelter, education and many things that other people might not have. Why do I still seek for more? Human Nature it is. You see, us humans, we always want more! We don't even care about what we have. 

We don't even tell our parents how much we love them, but when they die, we give money to charity for their souls, we pray for them. What is the use of all that then? We sometimes shout at them, telling them that we are "grown up" now! That they should stop telling us what to do! But we never realise the privilege of having parents... we never realise that someone out there, cry and weep for the love of their parents, but they don't get the warmth of the hugs, they don't get the unconditional love from their parents. It is because either their parents are dead or they really don't care about them at all.

When we have so much, we always take it for granted. The luxury (and yes it is a luxury!) of "enough" is never enough... well until it's taken away from you. Deep down we all know how selfish we are! We never have enough. Why do we keep on asking for more when we can't even be thankful for what we have? Why can't we just sit in silence and look around us! Look around, we are living in a house; we have clean clothes to wear; we have hot meals to eat more than 3 times a day; we have comfy beds that we sleep on; we have a shelter that many people dream of!

Learn to appreciate what you have, before time makes you appreciate what you had!

Your nightmares are someone else's Dreams.

Here, I have linked a Youtube video.

Information: Ramadan is a Holy month in Islam; where one has to fast for about 30 days. It is the ninth month of the Muslim year, during which strict fasting is observed from sunrise to sunset. You're not allowed to eat or drink during this period of time.

Best of luck everyone! Remember to tell your family, friends or who ever you care for, that you love them. They won't always be by your side.

☺ Take care x Peace

♥ My Beautiful Pets ♥

I loved animals since I was young. My favourite animals are ducks, chickens and goats! I love them because when I was young, we were able to keep them as pet. Many sellers came to streets and used to sell little chicks. They were all really colourful, though back then I didn't know how many harsh chemicals were used to paint those little innocent chicks.

Here you can see the picture:

I used to pick the brightest ones because it felt like they will be the most playful ones. Most of them used to die really quickly, I used to think it was probably me... maybe it was, but I used to take care of them really well. I was kind of scared of them as well because they were so tiny, I felt like they would break really easily. They were really fragile. So soft like cotton balls! We weren't wealthy; we were just another average family. I used to feed them wheat grains. Sometimes I would soak bread in water and they used to enjoy it a lot!

One day when I came home from school, my mum really surprised me! She had bought a duckling for me! I was happy and was over the moon! My mum had bought two of those ducklings but one of them died because he broke his neck... Needless to say, I was happy to see the little guy. I used to play with its beak. The fur was soft and clean. Whenever my uncle used to water the plants and the flowers, the duckling will run around with great happiness! There was a little pond next to a big tree in my house. The duckling used to swim in the pond. He would move his little tail and his little butt! I mostly played with his webbed feet. His webbed feet were so squishy. He would dip his tiny head in the water.

I had him for about two years but we had to move somewhere else so we gave him away to one of our neighbour. When we came back to the same house after a year, we saw the duckling, well more like a sawn walking around. He was so beautiful, he was magical. We didn't take him back as he was with our neighbour now. 

I had a variety of pets. I never had a dog though. I'm really afraid of dogs. I think it's because a neighbour of mine had a dog and when I was really young, the dog tried to bite me. Since then whenever a dog is near me I freak out and anxiety takes over me! I wish I wasn't scared of them because they are so beautiful.

My uncle once bought a snake as well. In some cultures many think that snakes are filthy. They hate snakes or any other reptiles! The snake remained only for one week because soon enough some members of my family got really disturbed and frightened! We also had a rabbit and a goat. Since many religious people believe that rabbit are not animals that should be kept at home because they go on heat (the females) so they are not allowed to keep rabbits as pet. Soon enough, the rabbit was gone as well :'( 

The goat was a little devil! He used to jump around a lot. He was more like a little child, always hyper! My family decided that they will also buy a sheep. The sheep was so lazy. He used to sleep around daily on the grass. The sheep and the goat were best friends! Whenever we used to walk them around the park the goat used to run away from us to get free while the sheep, well he didn't care much, he only wanted to eat FOOD!

Anyhow, I got a lot of memories with my lovely animals. They were like my family. Whenever one of them died, we used to cry a lot... One quick story about a chicken of mine--- I had a green coloured chicken, he was feisty! One day a freaking person stepped on it without knowing it was there! I got really mad and emotional. I cried a lot and I will always remember him. When she stepped on my little chicken, the chicken's intestine came out of its bum. I couldn't watch it as soon enough he died :'( 

Bye for now. Take Care. PEACE :)

Refuge (Save the Humanity)

Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd has announced that people who arrive in Australia by boat and without a visa will be transferred to Papua New Guinea for processing.
Related Coverage

If found to be refugees they will be resettled in Papua New Guinea or a third country.

Geelong Diversitat chief Michael Martinez questioned the long-term implications of the shift.

"I can understand it in terms of trying to stop the deaths at sea," Mr Martinez said. "But if they really want a regional solution it should be all of the countries coming together - Malaysia, Indonesia, Singapore, Papua New Guinea, Sri Lanka. All of them should come together and, I guess, even others.

"Though it might appeal to some voters, what are we doing ... we're exporting our problem."

Geelong is one of Victoria's major refugee settlement centres.

A high proportion of those arriving in Australia by boat are Hazara, an ethnic minority in Pakistan, Iran and Afghanistan which has historically suffered persecution. Most pay substantial amounts of money to be smuggled across Malaysia and Indonesia before being put on boats to Australia. Several hundred have died in shipwrecks attempting the journey.

"We are being bombed and shot at every day. If we could stay here we would prefer to be here with our families and friends. But we don't want to be killed," said Ahmed Kohzad, a campaigner in the south-west Pakistani city of Quetta, where many Hazara live.

Last week four Hazara men were shot dead by gunmen in Quetta. Nearly 30 died in a bomb blast three weeks ago in a Hazara-dominated neighbourhood of the city. Two bombs earlier this year in Quetta killed nearly 200 people, mainly Hazaras.

Rudd said the new measure would send "a clear and undiluted message to every people smuggler in the world that your business model is basically undermined" and that it would apply initially for one year.

The Hazara are Shia Muslims and are frequently targeted by extremists from among the Sunni majority in Pakistan. There are about 500,000 Hazara in Pakistan and about 3 million in Afghanistan.

Some Hazaras try to travel to Europe but most believe that reaching Australia gives them more chance of finding a safe haven. Australia also already has a large Hazara community.

-Mr Ahmadi, 23, treasures the sanctuary he has found in Australia and hopes his five siblings can join him.

"They are looking for a safe place," he said.

"I feel very helpless here; I can't do anything for them."

He believes the policy shift will alarm Afghans in Australia and Pakistan, where many now live after fleeing the war torn nation, and wonders how Australia will be perceived.

"They call it humanitarian. I don't think this will be a suitable word, it won't be humanitarian anymore," he said. "If we can save someone's life then why not?"

Mr Ahmadi helps settle new refugees in Geelong through Diversitat and opened his own grocery store in Corio last month.

"Australia is good, the people are very supportive," he said.

"The law is good, everyone feels safe."
http://www.geelongadvertiser.com.au/article/2013/07/22/369667_news.html

-A True Story

From refugee to businessman: a success story
It's the ultimate entrepreneurial testing ground: you risk your life savings on a perilous journey to a country where you arrive (if you're lucky) penniless, with little to build your future upon save your stamina and your smarts. It's capitalism at its most Darwinian, less Celebrity Apprentice than Refugee Apprentice, and yet its successes, like Riz Wakil, are many.

"I came here from Afghanistan in November 1999, when I was 18 years old," says Wakil. "We had 77 people on a 30-foot fishing boat. We ran out of water and food. Any proper food we had we gave to an Iraqi family, because they had young children to feed. So we just ate dried biscuits, with boiled rice every second or third day."

After nine months in Curtin Detention Centre, Wakil, an ethnic Hazara, was accepted as a refugee and released, whereupon he found casual work, mostly for printing companies.

Thirteen years later Wakil owns his own business in Fairfield, a printing and design company that turns over $300,000 annually and employs five people.

Many Australians see "boat people" as not only "illegal" but lazy.
http://m.smh.com.au/federal-politics/political-news/from-refugee-to-businessman-a-success-story-20130721-2qcqq.html

Why would they want to travel 100 miles away from their homeland? Well, the answer is that they are not safe. Each day there is a new headline on the News "4 Hazaras killed in another target Killing." Day by day, fear grabs the Hazaras by their throats! Another mother lost her 16 year old son; another father won't be able to return home from work; another sister waits for her brother to come home so they could all sleep peacefully. Is this humanity? They travel so long not just to have fun; they travel because they're targeted each day, brutally killed by the Talibans. Wouldn't they love to sit at their own home, be there when their children are growing? 

I don't understand politics and neither do I want to. Politics huh? The factor that kills innocent children? Politics... The law where the culprit sits in the corner watching the civilians die each second. From poverty to not having enough security! When will we all love each other and live in peace? When will the government and the politicians listen to the cry of the widow? Will they ever stop draining the blood of another hungry child? When will this stop? When!?

♥ I know many people hate refuges and hate when they have others coming from another country and living in theirs! But think about it, if you and your family were in danger and the only choice left for all of you was to go to another country for safety. To save yours and your children's lives, you have to leave everything behind with only limited amount of support. Not even knowing about your journey. Will you survive? Will you make it to safety? What if you get caught and sent back? How are your children going to continue to live without any support from their father? 

--Just Take Care. The next time you see another refuge, don't be too hard on them. Most of them are also giving to the society. 


PS- If by any chance you got offended by anything, I greatly apologise!

PEACE! ☺

My Childhood and How I Don't freaking want to GROW UP!

My Childhood...

I was always the shy kid. I was the one who wouldn't talk that much. Although I was shy, I remember having few friends and always having fun with them. In school, we would sit around and gossip even during the lessons! "Oh did you know she isn't friend with ______" "She is so weird!" We used to have a lot of fun. You know, whenever you're young, you just want to grow up! Grow up because you didn't want people to be the boss of you. Grow up because you thought having a full-time job would make you happy. It seems like time doesn't wait for you. Time. Time is so cruel, it takes away your childhood. 

Always sitting next to my best friend in my all of my classes. Not even paying attention. Looking around, fooling with other friends. I sure do miss those days. I always used to sit next to my cousin in all of my classes. Whenever a new year started, we would both sit next to each other. One time when we were talking a lot, the teacher separated us both. We cried! Due to our crying, the teacher had to put us both together again! 

Looking back, I sometimes think that I wish there was a time machine so I could re-live the moments that I miss the most. I wasn't actually a bright student! I was one of those who would fail mostly the entire test, but in the exams I would barely pass. Let's say the passing marks were 60 out of 100 and I would get 59! Though it all changed when I reached year 7! I don't know what happened but I started to pay more attention in my classes. 

I remember that whenever I failed my test, my teacher would beat me with stick! It used to hurt a lot. My hand would get bruises. Black; blue; purple. They would get so sore that whenever I touched it, it would sting like hell! But now, I would do anything to go back; say Hi to my friends and say how much I miss them... I have lost all contacts with them. It really sucks! 

I just don't want to grow up! I mean, I know growing up means you are more mature, you can take care of yourself.... but I don't want to. I’m always thinking about going to University, then finding a job. Frightening. I don't get it! Since I'm super duper shy, I think it would be much harder for me to find new friends, let alone finding a job. Life is like a cycle. You grow up, go to school; college, then university where the government pulls your whole body into debt! Then you spend your whole life giving that money back. You would be spending your nights and days earning money so that you won't end up on the streets dying. Such a cruel place the Earth is. I know, I know, I should be thankful to be having the privilege to get education, getting a job, having a place to live. I'm so thankful, but it's in our nature to always question why things can't be our way.

If things were in my hand, I would make sure that I spend more time with friends than in school because at the end of the day, ten years from now, when you look back, you won't laugh and smile because you got higher grades, you would laugh at the moments you spent with your friends, those lessons that you bunked with friends... the list goes on. 

All I want to say is that even though you're growing up, you should take a day off. You don't have to spend it with your friends or family (but if you do that would be GREAT!) and go out somewhere. Give yourself a treat; don't be too hard on yourself. Go on a picnic, spend time with nature. And spend less time criticising yourself like I do! Love yourself. Take risks because at the end, we always regret the things that we haven't done.

Peace and Take Care x

STRESS!

Stress... Many people suffer from stress; it's such a painful thing. I get stressed really easily, I cry a lot when I get stressed. I think the next level of stress is Depression. Oh how I hate depression and stress! I think that sometimes it's just too much. I wake up feeling stressed and depressed and just have no idea about it. It’s like an animal, eating me from the inside. Stress makes me feel as if I'm dead. 

I take my time because I don't want to lose my temper, but most of the time it's so hard! Sometimes I go to the bathroom and just cry. I cry so that I will feel more human and normal again. Many people think that it's nothing. They say "Oh, it's just a phase, you'll get over it" but no... I don't, I never do and I think I never will. I feel ashamed and curse myself because I get stressed really easily. I don't know, I just can't help it. My family say "Oh, now what's wrong?" As if it's all a play and I'm in a drama.

From the moment I wake up, I feel like I got nothing to do, I feel like I'm just a waste of space. I mean come on! I know everyone should be happy as we all deserve happiness no matter what! But... sometimes, you just lose it. You lose your patience, your temper, you lose yourself. I hate it.

I feel like I'm always under pressure! I feel like I got nothing else left in this world. I go on-line to check for help. I Google "STRESS" more than anything. I search for it because I want to know what the cure is. I see people have different stories. Well my story, it'll take me 2+ hours to write in detail about my story. I see people get bored easily. I see that they don't care. People are selfish. I know everyone is, it kind of hurt to see people not giving a SHI* about you. 

 This is what statistics show about Stress: (UK, England)

·         There were 6,366 admissions for stress, a rise of 6.8% on the previous 12-month period.

·         Admissions were highest among those between the ages of 18 and 60.

It hasn't been better since I lost a friend of mine. We used to play together (if you want to know about that story please check out my Blog and the post Title: So Young)

Overall, I think that stress or any type of psychological illness is mostly the main reason people aren't happy with their lives. From the stress of not being good enough to being compared to others. Stress is caused by various factors and reasons.

One way that really helps me keep myself calm and not get easily stress is by watching Youtube videos. I know, I know, it might not help you but it always help me. Another thing that I love is by writing things down. Even now I'm writing what I'm feeling, things that concern you. Write it down, maybe on a piece of paper, write down what you hate and look at it again, it makes you feel as if you are stressing for no reason. 

When you actually see the inner feelings of yours, you'll feel much better! I love to draw as well, but most of the time I don't because if I'm not able to draw an object properly, I get stressed! Sometimes, I go to a park and sit there on a bench. Listening to my music, watching the ducks and it makes me think more positive. Looking at nature, it makes me feel that the world is a big place and why should I stress about little things and put myself in disadvantage.

I would love to hear what others do when they feel stressed ☺

Dirty Hair!

Dear freaking hair,

                       Since I have really looong hair, it's really hard to wash it every day. It's like a chore itself, I mean come on! Can't I just wash it twice a week...? No because my hair gets really greasy and dirty as if I haven't washed it for a year or so. If you literally take a bucket and see how much oil my hair produces; I bet you it's like half a litre! 

It really sucks because it takes me about 2 hours to take shower due to my nasty hair. My mum always asks me about why I take such a long time! I'm just fed up now; I wish I could just shave my hair off so it wouldn't take me zillion hours to wash it. Unfortunately, I can't because then I will look even more like a teenage boy. I can't even imagine that when I was born everyone thought I was a boy! I mean okay, I know that when children are born they look like a... well like a potato, but still they used to dress me up like a boy too. Thanks mum. 

Even though my hair is oily and greasy and nasty! The end of my hair is really I mean REALLY dry. I can't stress it enough; it looks all matted and so dehydrated. My mum told me that when I was a child, I had wonderful hair, it was black (though now it's brown) it was shiny, it was healthy because she used to put some sort of oil in my hair.

To tame my hair down a little bit because sometimes it gets really frizzy as well, I apply coconut oil and mix it up with some ingredients. I know that my hair is oily and some might think that by applying more oil to it will make it worse, but bare with me, did you know that your scalp is oily because it is so dry from the inside?

Since you scalp is so dry, it produces more oil to help and keep itself moist. 

The hair mask (or you might call it whatever you want) that I use:

Ingredients

Coconut oil

Eggs

You will also need 2 mixing bowls and a fork.

Firstly, you need to crack open an egg (if you have really long hair then please do use 2) then bit it like a bad ass!

 Then taking another bowl pour 1 and a half tablespoon of coconut oil (also depends if your hair is short then just pour 1 tablespoon, if long then 2 tablespoon) if your coconut oil is solid, put it in the microwave for 10 second, make sure you keep an eye on it because you don't want it to be hot!

Take it out of the microwave and let it cool it down a little bit. Don't pour it straight away in your eggs because you don't want the eggs to cook.

Pour the coconut oil into the eggs and mix it all up!

Voilà! Now you have your mask. Put it on your scalp, massaging it slowly. Distribute it at the very ends of your hair as well because that's the driest part of your hair.

Put shower cap on to seal in the moisture. (Wait for 30-40 minutes)

Rinse it off by making sure your water temperature is not hot as it will cook the egg and reverse the mask by making your hair more dehydrated!

When you finish taking shower, rinse your hair with a blast of cold water. When I do it, I put all of my hair in front of me and bend down, I take the shower and put it behind my head making sure only my hair is in contact with the water as it is really cold!

Last but not least, best of luck! I know how it feels having unhealthy hair, it really sucks! Now I'm off to take shower myself, wish me luck! x

☼ Take care 

INSECTS 101

I don't know about others but I really hate any kind of insects/bugs! YUCK! I mean I already hate those one which crawl and are really creepy but I think the ones I hate the most are those one which flies! Like WTF I can't even just sit alone without getting bothered by their buzzing sound.

I wish all of those insects were as friendly as they show them in cartoons or in the movies like "A Bug's Life" Those insects get higher in number during summer, so since it's summer now, I keep my windows open and they just welcome themselves as if they live here!

One of the insects I hate are Moths...I mean they are so ugly and they fly into your eyes, ears and just scare the shi*t out of me :'( I know everything is supposed to be balanced in nature and that those dirty moths are here on earth for some reason but whenever they come near me I just freak out and start screaming! Although I do hate the sight of moths and other flying insects, but I much appreciate them than a dreadful, big, hairy Spiders! Like they clamber onto you and gets in your hair and are just terrifying to look at.

I can't stress it enough about how those spiders gives me Goosebumps and how my blood runs cold whenever I see even one of them. They all just sit there without any reason, they crawl really slowly, but when you try to kill them they easily turn into a ninja spider and creep like there is no tomorrow!

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The name that is given to these spiders are "Peacock Spiders" as they give a show to female spiders by showing those "peacock" type of patterns and colours of their body. If only all spiders were as colourful as them, then I think I would think twice and I won't actually be that much afraid of them! But since they are not then I shall keep tissues and matches with me in case I see another spider.

Please insects stay the fuc* away from me! 

Yet another day...

Dear life,

             I know that sometimes you got to spice things up a little bit, but lately I feel like everything is not worth it. I feel as if life is kept on going on and on... but I got no motive. I don't have any goal... it feels as if I'm just going to spend my life as a pathetic loser! Wake up in the morning, freshen up, eat breakfast and spend more than 8 hours in-front of my laptop! Well what else can I do? I don't even like to go out as it means dressing up and I can't even be bother with it. I know, I know, at least I should give it a chance right? NO! Well, I mean I did, but I always take about an hour to decide what to wear. It's as if I got nothing to wear, I keep on rummaging through my clothes but nope. Not a single thing that I would wear that day. 

It's like I don't want to interact with any human being on Earth! If it was possible I would most definitely spend my days and nights without talking to anyone! People ask me why I don’t talk. Well, they don't know that I just can't be bothered, after seeing them be "best friends" with someone and the second the person leaves, all of their so called "best friends" starts to talk about how fat she is, that she is a loser... bearing in mind that they all had sleep overs and talked about all the same bull-crap e.g. make-up, se*, boys, getting drunk and ladida dida...

Sometimes it looks to me that all we are doing us following what others do, wearing the same clothing, listening to the same songs... it looks like no one is original any more. Everyone is a carbon copy of one-another. No one seems to realise that all they are doing is repeating the same thing over and over and over! Well, maybe it's just me who think this way. Maybe I am too "dumb" to realise that everyone is a leader themselves... or maybe I don't like to give a crap any more. You know, most of the time I think that all we are doing is wasting our time, I know that we have to work to pay our bills and survive but most people are not living how they dreamed to be. 

The cycle of life (well that's what you see now a day’s anyway) is that you go to school, get your grades, go to college, go to University, pay your debts, get a job, get a car, get a house, get a wife/husband, then comes children, get old, then die. Well obviously it’s not that easy though. Many die at young age; commit suicide or vice versa. It's like we are guinea pigs, always running to get food, always busy and never know when we will get so tired that our own mind won't support us!

All I can think about is how we are all living in these world, only thinking about ourselves, only worrying about what you will have for dinner and not even for a second think about others. Not even think about how you are following the same patters everyone else is following. Next think, think about how to bring change even if you're like me just sitting at home minding your own freaking business. 

-Just a little rant (or more like an essay) Take care everyone because at the end of the day, whether you've 10 qualifications or none, you'll die like everyone else.

 Peace out.